I Have A Black Belt In Shopping: Lesson #1 - Comparison Shopping Online Is Your Friend (And So Is Your Tailor)

FYI, from time to time I'll include links in a post that take you to whatever it is I'm talking about.  I may get compensated if you purchase something from clicking the link.  My blog is purely for my personal amusement, but if you make a purchase because of something I said, well, it's cool to get something back from the provider. 


If you've been with me from the beginning, you may have noticed that I've gained and lost a significant amount of weight several times (ugh, I refuse to be categorized as a yo-yo dieter - there were ten years between Weight Watchers® Episode I and Episode II, and three years between Episode II and Episode III; that's a long-ass yo-yo string.  Still, the amount of weight between 1994-2014 was an astounding 95 pounds which is like the equivalent of a Backstreet Boy or a 2-month-old horse - take your pick). You may have also noticed that each time I lost weight I was thrilled about all the cute clothes I could wear.

Yes, I am a Shopper.  

If you'd have known me in my youth, this would stun you. Pretty much through high school my method of dressing was scanning the floor for jeans and a sweatshirt and putting on whatever was clean-ish.  When I got to college, I spent my freshman year feeling sophisticated by wearing a whole bunch of red, black, and white - so much so that when my sorority (another thing about me that would stun those who knew me in my youth) had a Dress As Your Roommate Dinner my three roommates all wore red, black, and white.

During the summer of 1980-something I worked for a bit at Union Bay.  I'd spend much of my lunch break in a fugue of boredom, shopping in the company store.  That was about the time that Color Me Beautiful came out - this was a revolutionary concept that your skin tone/hair color/eye color would put you in one of four 'seasons', and each 'season' has 'your' colors that make you look awesome.  Believe me, it was all the rage and to this day I hear women referring to themselves as a 'summer' or a 'winter' (back in the day I was a winter but I think I've become a summer). Anyhow, I became somewhat obsessed with 'my colors' which were predominantly jewel tones. And boy howdy were jewel tones in.  So I spent a summer collecting deep, bright colors: wild patterns, and solids that would pick up on a color in the pattern.  OMG I could not be ignored in the clothes I started wearing.

And so began my love of clothing.  Yeah yeah, unless you're a nudist everyone loves clothing.  But I mean I loooove clothes.  I love finding the right colors (and I'm old enough to know now that it's not so much a color that makes you look good but a SHADE of color - I look great in mustard yellow and lemon yellow but look like death warmed over in a golden yellow). I love fabric (that took awhile, mostly because I was poor for so long I could only afford polyester). And thanks to shows like What Not To Wear (I miss Stacy London with her white streaked hair, and Clinton Kelly's snark, and Nick Orrojo's amazing hair makeovers) I got into silhouettes.  Big hips = wide legs!!!  Big belly = flowy peasant and tunic tops!!!

I'm far from a fashion trend setter, but if I wear the same outfit in a four-week period I freak out a bit. I never want anyone to know what to wear at the next Dress As Boopsandbugs Dinner other than 'amazing' clothes. They say no one is paying attention to stuff like that.  I'm here to tell you:  I AM PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE WEARING.  And how frequently you wear it. And I am silently giving you the Stacy/Clinton treatment in my head.

I digress.

So there's a little chink in my clothes-shopping armor: I anxiety-sweat in dressing rooms. For years as a big gal I'd go into a dressing room and hope to gawd I didn't get stuck in a too-tight something and have to call for help.  Or hear that awful ripping noise as a seam gave way. And I'd feel like a failure if nothing fit/looked good (and really, what would the sales person think? <-- yes I know that's ridiculous but I still haven't quite gotten past that). Aside from getting stuck in a too-tight something, there's nothing worse than emerging from a dressing room looking like you've just climbed out of a swimming pool.  Except maybe having a sales person poke her head into the dressing room to find you standing there, drenched in sweat like you've been doing step aerobics for three hours.  Alas this has happened too many times.  It's gotten better now that I'm smaller again, but I'm still scarred for life.

Enter the computer! Online shopping is my jam. 

I always start with The Google.  Of course this works better the more specific you can get your search to be. You can Google green sweaters and get lost in pages of search results, or you can Google Vince Camuto green cotton oversized sweater.

How do you get to the point where you can do an awesome Google? Well, if you've lost (or gained) some weight but are incredibly attached to something that's no longer your size - BOOM! You know exactly what to look for.  It's also super-helpful if you know the style number and/or style name (style numbers are usually on a tag somewhere on the garment, and often if you Google the style number the style name will also pop up). So before you let go of that beloved piece of clothing take a picture of the tag so you know what to look for.

If you're just looking for something you have but doesn't fit, YOUR TAILOR CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.  It's usually a lot less expensive to alter something than buy it again.  Or maybe what you love is a million years old and there's no way you'll ever find it online, YOUR TAILOR CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. Or maybe you buy something that's beyond-awesome but the sleeves are too long, or the waist is too big, or the legs need a little more tapering, YOUR TAILOR CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. Obvi, it's easier to eliminate fabric than add to it, so this is usually an option best for new clothes or too-big clothes.  But a really gifted tailor can be magic.  True story: I used to lay my clothes out on the bed before I hopped in the shower in the morning, but my late great first cocker spaniel had a habit of nibbling on those clothes.  She ate the armpit out of the cutest navy-with-white-polka-dots dress (sidebar: polka dots make people happy; this is a fact).  I took it to a tailor who added a navy patch and voila I was back in business and really I don't care if my armpit wasn't polka dotted.  Anyhow, I've got a couple great tailors - hems ✅, waistbands ✅, taking in the sides ✅, munched armpits ✅. The thing that appears most difficult is a baggy seat.  Maybe it's because your nether regions are awkward for pinning? Anyhow, I've learned that if a pair of pants is baggy in the seat there is nothing I can do to save it.

OK, we've covered what to do when you need to re-size or basic-alter something you have (TAILOR!) but otherwise you start with the Google. OR the dreaded dressing room. But if you know how a brand fits you and what size you are you can usually skip the dressing room.

One of the things that has broken my heart this year is the pain of having tossed all the cute clothes I wore in 2003 and 2014 but thought I'd never fit into again. Usually I'm all for tossing what doesn't fit - ha, I was so excited this year to drop the weight and wear the old clothes again but was crushingly disappointed to find out a) they were no longer in style (darn you, shoulderpads!) or b) my butt had disappeared and wide legs looked like clown costumes or the seats were too baggy.  Anyhow, there were a few dresses I loooooooooooved that I tossed - simple, inexpensive cotton sheaths from Target.  Waah. (sidebar:  I tithe at Target). So I did the Google - cotton sheath dress in coral (and in burgundy). Click on Images and voila, you can spend hours chasing down a variety of  clothes until you see something(s) you like.

To recap thus far: if you haven't tailored an existing piece, you've done a Google to find where the clothes you're looking for exist. 

Let the comparison shopping begin!!! What you want may be on sale at one retailer but not another.  Maybe a retailer offers free shipping or no tax - MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THIS INTO ACCOUNT. A $25 dress can be $35 with tax and shipping (yes a $25 dress can be super-cute). And a $30 dress with no tax/free shipping can be more affordable than that $25 dress with $10 in tax and shipping.  Ya feel me?

And let's not forget the secondary market. Sometimes you can find a brand new thing on eBay or Poshmark (and if you sign up and use the code gravityl you'll get $5 off your first purchase). Heck, if you're cool with pre-owned garments your shopping world will expand.  There's also a ton of sites that specialize in pre-owned luxury brands - too many to list them all but one of my personal faves is Ann's Fabulous Finds.

Great - you've found what you like (either via sweaty dressing room or Google) and you've comparison-shopped. Before you hit that PURCHASE button, CHECK THE RETURN POLICY!!!! Some stores have awesome return policies (Nordstrom, Costco - yes I buy clothes from Costco and no I don't look like I live below the poverty line in the Appalachian meth trade), some stores will charge you for return shipping (ouch), others will only offer store credit, and others no returns at all. If there's any doubt about whether the clothes will fit, or if the color will flatter, make sure you can return for free.  Few things suck as much as getting something you'll never wear and not being able to get your money back.

A little more about Nordstrom and why I love them even though they can be pricey. Probably most locations offer personal shoppers at no cost - before you leave the house, give them a call or ping them on social media to confirm.  In 2014 after I'd lost 60 pounds I had no idea what size I was or what would look good.  The personal shopper I worked with was a genius.  Without looking at me, just on a phone conversation, she'd picked a ton of clothes for me to try.  I'd never have picked them on my own, some were sizes I thought would be too small or too big but when it's someone else picking them out it doesn't matter so much.  As I culled what she'd selected, she learned what I liked and didn't like and was able to grab more things for me to try. It.  Was.  Awesome.

Alas these were the clothes that were too big by the time I shrunk enough to try them on again four years later.  What did I do? I did the Google and found smaller replacements for just about everything.

And that wonderful return policy? If you find something you like at Nordstrom, buy it.  DO NOT TAKE THE TAGS OFF.  DO NOT WEAR THESE CLOTHES FOR THE LONGEST TIME. Do the Google when you get home.  On a recent foray, I found what I'd bought at Nordstrom at other retailers at lower prices.  Boom - new purchase online, return originals to Nordstrom. Happy Boopsandbugs. Or wait for it to go on sale at Nordstrom and ask for a price adjustment. Happy happy. But don't be a shit and wear clothes and try to return them after. Anywhere.  That's just not cool.

Does this comparison shopping take a lot of time? Heck yeah. But a cost-benefit analysis shows the investment of time is soooo worthwhile.

My next Shopping Lesson will be on stacking. I'll also have a Shopping Lesson on negotiating - yes, you can negotiate in a department store. I may even do a Shopping Lesson on re-homing.

In the meantime, start flexing your comparison shopping muscles!  Happy Googling!